Writing – My Struggle Towards Passion

“There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.”
Ernest Hemingway

I am often uncomfortable and unsure. Gathering the confidence to tell people that I blog is difficult for me. I am afraid of criticism. I knew I wanted to write, and I knew I wanted to share my feelings with the world. I wished for an outlet for my thoughts so that like-minded individuals could share their thoughts with me. What better way to do that than to blog? However, I apparently did not always feel that way. This has been a longer journey than even I realized. A journey that leads me to have a love for writing and reading. A journey that I had forgotten until recently.

I was at my parent’s house a few weeks ago, and from the closet, myself and my writingmother dragged out a musty old box. I don’t even remember what we were originally searching for at the time. The box was filled with old school things of mine, things my mother had kept all these years. Sweet cards I crafted as a child, poems, drawings. Schoolwork my mother was obviously too proud to throw away and forget. (Thanks, Mom)

While looking through these items after so many years of them being shut away I began to remember my oldest self. I remembered my old thoughts and feelings, likes and dislikes, my young sense of humor, my hopes and dreams, my fears and sadness. I began to remember myself as a child. It was both strange and wonderful.

Then we found my report cards. Kindergarten, grade one, two, three, and so on. I looked at my grades and the comments from teachers long forgotten. An abandoned pattern emerged. All of my teachers had similar suggestions and comments. “Stephanie is a sweet and positive young child, creative and loves art. But she struggles with language, my suggestion is for her to read as much as possible and to increase her writing and reading skills.”Or something along those lines.

I then began to remember. In grade three I struggled the most. The thought was that perhaps I was dyslexic. The result was that I was not. However, I continued to struggle. I remembered hours spent going over spelling words, writing, reading, over and over. Days spent inside studying while my friends played outside. Trying to understand words that made little sense to me naturally. Don’t get me wrong, my grades were good, I, of course, could read and write, it just took me a lot longer than it seemed to take others and it frustrated me.

So there I sat with my grade three report card in hand looking at the comments from my teacher and all those memories came back to me. All the memories of hours spent learning forgotten. It struck me as strange. Writing is my favorite thing to do, I do it every day all day long. I read, reread and read again everything I write. I look over my emails, blogs, and letters 4-5 times before publishing. I read books every day. Reading and writing is my favorite pastime. It is funny how things work out, isn’t it?

What was a huge struggle for me as a child is a thing I love doing the most as an adult? Strange indeed. I think it was a huge eye opener for me. Am I a great writer? Maybe not. Can I read as quickly as others? Maybe not. And admittedly I use the aid of spellcheck perhaps more than the average person. I did not achieve a fancy masters degree in literary studies, I did not become an author (yet). But I did overcome my childhood difficulties. I did create a passion from a place of struggle. And I didn’t even know that I did it.

So if you are struggling with something or you know a child that is struggling with something let this be a tiny example to you or them. Stick with them, like my Mother and teachers did for me. Push them, motivate them, guide them. Perhaps you will be lucky enough to see struggle turn into a passion.

22 COMMENTS

  1. christiepage "pando pandemonium" | 4th May 16

    BEAUTIFULLY WRITTEN!!

  2. christiepage "pando pandemonium" | 4th May 16

    The self awareness that you have in this piece is absolutely lovely! Keep writing!!

    • StephJ | 4th May 16

      Thank you so much!

  3. lynette barbieri | 4th May 16

    Great post. I am so happy that you were authentic and gave of yourself in order to help other people!

    • StephJ | 5th May 16

      It was nice to share! Thanks for commenting 🙂

  4. khansana1000 | 4th May 16

    Great to know about your story! Thanks for sharing with us. I have a big phobia of driving , I wish I can overcome it like you did yours 🙂 It is a great motivation booster.

    • StephJ | 5th May 16

      You should do it! Perhaps like me when I was a child, once you do it over and over it will become less scary and just become second nature to you. Who knows! Good luck 🙂

  5. Sagittarian Mind | 4th May 16

    good stuff! thank you for this.

  6. heytarryn | 5th May 16

    I too find it a bit difficult to tell people I started a blog. I have always wanted to, but I’m still so insecure about it. I mean I can’t even promote myself on Facebook! I find it hilarious and frightening at the same time… I’m not much of a reader, or writer – but I wish I was! So you’ve inspired me to push through my insecurities and get over myself. Thank you!

    • StephJ | 5th May 16

      Awesome I am glad to hear! You could try one thing at a time, eventually you will gain the confidence to promote yourself and put yourself more out there. I have all the faith in you. Good luck!

  7. Paula | 1st Jun 16

    I thank you for writing a post that encourages other bloggers. We need to do it more often. Thanks for stopping by The Fruitful Life recently and liking a post

  8. Manja Mexi Movie | 21st Jun 16

    It’s a lovely mental image of you and your mom going through memories. 🙂 And I’m glad you grew to love what you struggled with.

  9. InsanityExpressed | 1st Jul 16

    Thank you for a great post, it made me think. I must confess, my experience is the opposite. I hated school and never participated, hence I am semi illiterate to this very day. Reading and writing never interested me, living life did. I wanted to live here and there and everywhere, experience everything and I excelled at it. Two years ago a friend gave me an empty book and suggested I write some things down, thoughts.

    I suspect it was because nobody wanted to talk to me because I refused to engage in small talk. Nope I want to jump right into it, the deep end. It is how I live and I suppose that is how I write. The result, I’ve written and published ten small books, I am writing all kinds of crap from all kinds of angles and it’s confusing even to me.

    I can’t read properly so I can’t write properly, spelling grammar and all the rest but I figure I missed the boat that would have taken me on the path most writers take so I might as well go the other way. I write and I publish anything without even reading it with the hypothesis that my writing will improve with time. It’s been a year and I already see a big difference. So just keep on doing it, write, live, do what ever you want, never let fear stand in your way of growing into yourself.

    Note of caution, my approach is a sure fire way to alienate friends and loved ones, people like it when they can anticipate your next move and if they can’t they become rather reserved.

    Have a wonderful day,
    Ian

    • StephJ | 1st Jul 16

      Thank you so much for sharing with me your story. I find it very inspiring. I often feel the same way in life. I feel intimated by writing but after a year of blogging I also have seen differences. I hope one day to have the confidence to write a book. Hearing people like you who are doing it their own way is a inspiration to me that I can maybe do that too. I guess as long as you share what’s in your heart and your passion the result doesn’t matter it’s the intention that is the benefit. Thank you again for sharing 🙂

  10. You Can Always Start Now | 9th May 17

    thank you for sharing. It is good to have people in our corner.

    • StephJ | 10th May 17

      Thank you for reading!

  11. rolex daytona black imitation | 7th Jul 17

    rolex daytona black imitation

    This is really interesting, You are a very skilled blogger. I’ve joined your rss feed and look forward to seeking more of your great post. Also, I have shared your web site in my social networks!

    • stephaniewp | 7th Jul 17

      Wow! thank you very much 🙂 I hope you enjoy future posts!

  12. montre cartier or rose fausse | 14th Jul 17

    montre cartier or rose fausse

    Obrigado, Francisco! Depois devo postar outras formas de meditação que eu encontrei embasamento científico. Um abraço!

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