3 Benefits of Putting yourself First

Attention people pleasers! This post is for you.

There was a time when I would all too often put the needs of others ahead of my own. I was the “mother hen” always looking out for the best interest of the group. The result… I was *$%*ing miserable.

What I have learned is that putting yourself first is truly the best thing you can do for not only for yourself but also for the people in your life. Oh and people can take care of themselves, that’s a new thought I am warming up to also.

Now that I have gained these new perspectives I can clearly see those struggling people pleaser’s out there, investing all their energy into making their family happy, friends, co-workers. And while there is a certain amount of satisfaction to be gained from giving to others. Setting boundaries and putting yourself first every now and then is more important than you may realize, and you might need to do it more than you know!

Now don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with helping others or with being nice.

So you see,  this is no way meant to be a plea to you good-hearted helpers and healers out there to stop what you’re doing and ignore the needs of those you love. The truth is we need you people pleasers. But you need you too!

This is a reminder that no matter how you identify, people pleaser, realist, hermit, social butterfly, whatever, you need to take care of yourself first.

The world can and will turn without you and when you put yourself first it does not mean that you are putting others last. Throw the guilt out the window and start loving the most important person in your life more… you!

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Improved Relationships

If you really think about this you will discover that one of the greatest reasons to put yourself first is that it actually helps you to give better to others, creating better relationships.

How can you give the people in your life the care, love, and attention they need if you are not taking it from a place full of care, love, and attention from within yourself?

I had to learn this lesson the hard way. Always stretching myself thin in this department, I felt obligated to give advice and time to people when I myself was drained and empty. The result of this was the attention that I was giving others was not full. It was actually a little fake. My concern for others was coming from a place of duty and habit and not from a place of love and compassion. I mean how could it be any different when I did not take time for myself?

Allowing yourself the time and energy to focus on yourself will help you to recognize when you need to be there for others and when you need to sit this one out. You will be better prepared to deal with the needs of those that matter. This will improve all of your relationships especially the one you have with yourself.

After all, how can you fill another’s cup from yours when your cup is empty?

Reduce Resentment

People pleasers are notorious for harboring resentment and passive aggressiveness. Seriously, how could they not?

You may think, that people should know you’re overwhelmed. They shouldn’t ask you for so much help or overload you with their problems. To that, I say yes, people should be more mindful of the burdens they may place on others.

However, people are often so caught up in their own life issues that they may not realize that your plate is full. It is up to you to put up those boundaries. You can not blame others for the burdens you feel they may place on you. Because ultimately it is you who dictates how others treat you. All you can do is control yourself, not others.

Most people will be understanding when you say no to them. And if they are not understanding then you may need to seriously consider that relationship. So don’t worry about disappointing. People will love you because you are an awesome wonderful human being and not because you do things for them. So have some confidence and just say no every now and then. Get a hot bath or read a book instead of attending every event or function.

By putting yourself first you are actually making room for healthier relationships in your life. Saving you from resentment and other icky negative feelings.

Reduce Stress

Studies from all over the world show that all you need is 10 minutes a day to majorly relieve stress in your life. Everything from chewing gum to mediating has been proven to reduce stress, and all it takes is just 10 short minutes a day. Seriously, people, there is no excuse not to give yourself 10 freakin minutes a day.

Taking just 10 minutes for yourself can help you live a longer less stressful life. What more could you want? Check out this post for some ideas on how you can relieve stress in your own life.


Putting yourself first does not mean that you need to become a selfish A-hole. It simply means that you are shifting your focus inward first in order to become a better person not only for yourself but also for those you love.

So ask yourself…

How am I going to put myself first today?

40 COMMENTS

  1. Natasha Kendall | 15th Sep 16

    Very helpful tips and I love your writing style. It’s true, sometimes we forget in the mad rush of working, family and other obligations to just say no to something or sit down with a book and chill out! Xo

    • StephJ | 15th Sep 16

      Thank you for your feedback! Yes it is so hard to learn to take time for ourselves. Even more so in this age with technology and the society of more more more.

  2. Esther | The Cuteness | 15th Sep 16

    I do kind of miss being able to put myself first! With two babies at home, that’s just not in the cards for me right now! But I do treat myself to a mani or massage once in awhile 🙂

    • StephJ | 15th Sep 16

      Every once and awhile is a great place to start. I really like the notion of committing 10 minutes a day to something you love. Starting at 10 minutes a week if it is really unachievable. Those 10 minutes will be worth it in the long run for everyone involved in your life!

  3. Ashley Stephenson | 15th Sep 16

    I 100% completely agree with everything in this post. It is so true. When I was in college I was a people pleaser, especially with one of my roommates. She had her issues with my now husband, which were dumb, and I let it put a tension between me and him just to please her. Finally after 2 years of her same nagging I decided I wasn’t going to listen to it and do what was best for me. Thank goodness I did because now we have been married for almost a year and we couldn’t be happier!

    • StephJ | 15th Sep 16

      Awesome! Yes sometimes it’s hard to put yourself first and your needs and wants. Especially when it comes to friends and family, its hard to say no and stand your ground. But sometimes that is exactly what you need to do in order to be happy!

  4. People Rebuilders Foundation | 15th Sep 16

    Love your story and you keep up the good work.

  5. DuchesStephanie | 15th Sep 16

    Wow I just needed to hear this actually on my journey to realization. 🙂

    • StephJ | 15th Sep 16

      Awesome! I hope it helps 🙂

  6. Karirene | 15th Sep 16

    I loved this article. I’m going to share it on my profile on Facebook, if you don’t mind.

    • StephJ | 15th Sep 16

      Yes thank you! I am happy that you enjoyed it 🙂

  7. Amber | 15th Sep 16

    Great tips! I do try to reduce my stress often, that’s for sure.

  8. Sprinkle of Surprise | 15th Sep 16

    So great and relateable, i find myself always ‘caring’ too much of what others think and do to me, and end up beating myself up in the process. I just did a self love post on my blog, would love if you’d check it out! 🙂
    http://www.sprinkleofsurprise.wordpress.com

    • StephJ | 15th Sep 16

      Thank you I will check it out.

  9. American Hijabi | 15th Sep 16

    I’m not sure if I could agree more… If I could, I would! I think it is extremely important to put ourselves first; just because we do so, doesn’t mean that we’re neglecting everything else. This is a great sentiment and reminder for everyone!

    Thanks for sharing

    xo
    AH

    • StephJ | 15th Sep 16

      Thank you for your comment! I am happy that you agree, I know a lot of people struggle with seeing the importance of putting yourself first and making yourself a priority. It is a healthy habit to get into.

  10. MegOhKay | 15th Sep 16

    Well, This one spoke directly to me. I’m a people pleaser and will ALWAYS put other’s first (and myself last) to ensure those close to me are happy. Good to know it’s okay to take time for me!

    • StephJ | 15th Sep 16

      Yes! It is the best thing you can do for yourself and others! Try to remember that when you catch yourself putting yourself last 🙂

  11. Onlygirl4boyz | 15th Sep 16

    This is a fantastic post! As women, it’s a struggle for us all. I do realize it can cause resentment towards my husband, friends, and kids but, it’s really my own fault for not keeping myself a priority. Great reminder!

    • StephJ | 15th Sep 16

      Everyone needs to keep themselves accountable. But don’t blame yourself, just remind yourself 🙂

  12. the happiest pixel | 15th Sep 16

    Great advice, my happy pixel!!

  13. cromer68 | 15th Sep 16

    Wow, great post! I am a people pleaser and it drives me nuts. And your points are spot on.

    • StephJ | 15th Sep 16

      thank you! I am glad you enjoyed this post 🙂

  14. 3 Benefits of Putting yourself First – Running to Zen | 15th Sep 16

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  15. marshasassycritic | 15th Sep 16

    This is so true. Good tips! I’ve always held the belief that being selfish isn’t always a bad thing.

  16. lovinglittledixie | 16th Sep 16

    I am such a people pleaser, but I’m getting more bold now that I’m in my 30’s. I used to let people walk all over me. Not so much anymore, but I’m still working on it.

  17. Allison Rebecca | 16th Sep 16

    I tend to be a people pleasure! I have learned though that I need to put myself first sometimes–it makes me happier!

    • StephJ | 16th Sep 16

      Yes! Everyone needs to take time to please themselves also!

  18. PackYourBaguios | 16th Sep 16

    I get massages. It helps with reduces my stress and my body feels 100% better afterwards.

    • StephJ | 16th Sep 16

      Thats a great way to take some time for yourself!

  19. The Editor | 16th Sep 16

    Hello Stephanie,

    Indeed, there is nothing wrong on helping out others, but we should extend our hand if that someone do really needs our help. Taking care of yourself FIRST will make you feel more confident, and others will respect that.

    -blairvillanueva
    For Urban Women

  20. cutecountrychick | 16th Sep 16

    This is a great read. Really opens my eyes to things.

  21. The Trophy WifeStyle | 16th Sep 16

    Great post! I use to be so bad about putting everyone before myself. The Older I got though the more I realized I had to ago with that nonsense and take care of myself

  22. Anamika Ojha | 16th Sep 16

    Your post makes a nice read and great tips shared! I try to push myself the best I can do!

  23. Adaleta Avdic | 16th Sep 16

    Stress is the most important for me. I always put other people first, but I should really think about myself and how it stresses me out to always think of others. Thanks for the great tips! xx Adaleta Avdic

  24. livelifewellblog5 | 18th Sep 16

    I love this post. I think reduced resentment is a bit one! Self-care is so important for so many reasons. Thank you for sharing this post in the Thursday Three Link-Up on LiveLifeWell! I hope to see your posts again in the future.

    LiveLifeWell,
    Allison

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  27. Diana Frajman | 18th May 17

    As a recovering people pleaser I know how easy it is to slide back into those old patterns. Thank you for the positive reminders to keep up the fight 🙂

    • StephJ | 19th May 17

      Thank you for reading!

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