Attention people pleasers! This post is for you.
There was a time when I would all too often put the needs of others ahead of my own. I was the “mother hen” always looking out for the best interest of the group. The result… I was *$%*ing miserable.
What I have learned is that putting yourself first is truly the best thing you can do for not only for yourself but also for the people in your life. Oh and people can take care of themselves, that’s a new thought I am warming up to also.
Now that I have gained these new perspectives I can clearly see those struggling people pleaser’s out there, investing all their energy into making their family happy, friends, co-workers. And while there is a certain amount of satisfaction to be gained from giving to others. Setting up boundaries and putting yourself first every now and then is more important than you may realize, and you might need to do it more than you know!
Now don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with helping others or with being nice.
So you see, this is no way meant to be a plea to you good-hearted helpers and healers out there to stop what you’re doing and ignore the needs of those you love. The truth is we need you people pleasers. But you need you too!
This is a reminder that no matter how you identify, people pleaser, realist, hermit, social butterfly, whatever, you need to take care of yourself first.
The world can and will turn without you and when you put yourself first it does not mean that you are putting others last. Throw the guilt out the window and start loving the most important person in your life more… you!
If you really think about this you will discover that one of the greatest reasons to put yourself first is that it actually helps you to give better to others, creating better relationships.
How can you give the people in your life the care, love, and attention they need if you are not taking it from a place full of care, love, and attention from within yourself?
I had to learn this lesson the hard way. Always stretching myself thin in this department, I felt obligated to give advice and time to people when I myself was drained and empty. The result of this was the attention that I was giving others was not full. It was almost, dare I say…fake. My concern for others was coming from a place of duty and habit and not from a place of love and compassion. I mean how could it be any different when I did not take time for myself?
Allowing yourself the time and energy to focus on yourself will allow you to recognize when you need to be there for others and when you need to sit this one out. You will be better prepared to deal with the needs of those that matter. This will improve all of your relationships especially the one you have with yourself.
After all, how can you fill another’s cup from yours when your cup is empty?
People pleasers are notorious for harboring resentment and passive aggressiveness. Seriously, how could they not?
You may think, that people should know you’re overwhelmed. They shouldn’t ask you for so much help or overload you with their problems. To that, I say yes, people should be more mindful of the burdens they may be placed on others.
However, people are often so caught up in their own life issues that they may not realize that your plate is full. It is up to you to put up those boundaries. You can not blame others for the burdens you feel they may place on you. Because ultimately it is you who dictates how others treat you. All you can do is control yourself, not others.
Most people will be understanding when you say no to them. And if they are not understanding then you may need to seriously consider that relationship. So don’t worry about disappointing. People will love you because you are an awesome wonderful human being and not because you do things for them. So have some confidence and just say no every now and then. Get a hot bath or read a book instead of attending every event or function.
By putting yourself first you are actually making room for healthier relationships in your life. Saving you from resentment and other icky negative feelings.
Studies from all over the world show that all you need is 10 minutes a day to majorly relieve stress in your life. Everything from chewing gum to mediating has been proven to reduce stress, and all it takes is just 10 short minutes a day. Seriously, people, there is no excuse not to give yourself 10 freakin minutes a day.
Taking just 10 minutes for yourself can help you live a longer less stressful life. What more could you want? Check out this post for some ideas on how you can relieve stress in your own life.
Putting yourself first does not mean that you need to become a selfish A-hole. It simply means that you are shifting your focus inward first in order to become a better person not only for yourself but also for those you love.
So ask yourself…
How am I going to put myself first today?