Searching for Happiness – Connecting with your True Self

Who are you?

I mean really, who are you?

This is a question I have been asking myself a lot lately and I must admit the conclusions I came to were a little startling not to mention deep. I realized that any search for happiness, love, and goodness begins with this simple question.

Who are you?

We are male, female, young, old, daughter, Canadian, married, single, thin, successful. We are categories. Also we are our relationships to those categories. At least that is what we identify with at the end of the day. When searching for who we are in moments of doubt or looking for the confidence to build upon who we are we turn to those categories for support and guidance.

But is that who we really are? Are we just labels and categories?

I like to think we are more. In fact, I know we are, but how do we discover it while buried in these false and often projected labels?

Discovering who we truly are can and will take a lifetime, but introduction starts with the desire to begin. To really look deep and be brave enough to cast aside labels and our armor. After all, how can we be happy in this life if we don’t start with the basic most important connection we have to ourselves?

To begin check out these four tips to help you connect with the real you. Good luck!

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Abandon judgement

The judgments we place on ourselves and others is one major way we hide and protect ourselves. We judge the people we work with, our partners, family, friends and even ourselves on reactions, jobs, age, looks. We judge then label, like a well-oiled machine.

One reason why we judge is to protect ourselves from harm. We judge out of fear. If we can sense in another person the ability to be untrustworthy, unsuccessful, or harmful then we may be able to protect ourselves from those traits. However we have taken it too far, now our judgment is ingrained within us and society so much so that we are unable to dig through what is useful information and what is a harmful habit.

One way you can begin to loosen the grip that judgment has on your connection with yourself and others is by trying to catch yourself when you are doing it. Repeat over and over, “no judgment”, or “I am being judgemental”. The next time you are in a conversation with someone notice if you are listening or judging. Make sure to use this same technique towards yourself.

Connect with what you love

What do you do in your spare time and why do you do it? There are things that we do for a reason and there are things that we do because we simply love to do them. For example, some people work out to lose weight and others work out because they love to workout. Knowing the difference is key.

Do you love animals, to read, to knit, to cook? Yes these are all things we do but they are also a part of who you are, it is a cumulation of these little things that we love that contributes to who we are.

Connect with the things that you love, and be honest with yourself. How do you spend your day? How much time do you spend doing things that you don’t love? If you can bring more things that you truly love into your life and take the time to discover new things then you can begin to connect with who you really are, its that simple. Not to mention you can begin to grow as a person and live a life you love… bonus!

Be honest

Being honest with ourselves is one of the hardest and most liberating things we can do. It is also a way we can stop the judgment trap and connect with what we love and who we are. So often we are caught up in the storylines our family, friends, society and we create, that we forget to look at things honestly and purely.

From a young age, we are told who we are and what we like through our environment. It is impossible to turn off those influences, and it is important to not reject them but become diplomatic about those influences.

Don’t accept what others say about yourself or others, make up your own mind. You will inspire others to do the same, and through your honesty, you will connect with your truth.

Disconnect and connect

The struggle of being alone and independent and the struggle of opening up and putting yourself out there are two ways we remain blind to discovering our true selves.

Some people struggle with being alone, their comfort zone lies within being attached to friends, family or a partner. An over association with being a social butterfly can make it difficult to connect with your true self. Much of who you are may become blurred with who they are, and your outward projection of who you are. If you struggle with being overly connected then try disconnecting a little and doing more things independently. This can even mean unplugging from the constant stream of social media we are all so exposed too. Disconnecting can help us see what is really within without so many other influences.

The other struggle is the struggle of opening up and putting yourself out there. Some people prefer being a lone wolf, enjoy independence and their comfort zone lies within the realm of distance and introversion. While there is nothing wrong with this preference either, it can prevent you from growing and learning from others. New experiences, and pushing your comfort zone to meet different types of people can teach you a lot about yourself and others, an experience you may not get if you stay within that comfort zone.

So do you need to disconnect or connect? Or maybe a little bit of both? Have you ever tried jumping out of your comfort zone? Let me know what this experience has taught you about who you truly are. If you can’t think of how then dig deeper past the superficial experiences, there is a deeper truth there you just need to be brave enough to discover it.

Happiness comes from loving yourself, but how can you do that if you don’t know who that person is? Look past the labels, push past your comfort zones, be brave and discover your true self. You might be surprised by what you discover.

“There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.”.jpg


  1. thegeckoonline | 27th Mar 17

    This is good advice, thank you!

  2. Jay Colby | 27th Mar 17

    Well said great advice!

  3. pockettreasures | 27th Mar 17

    Brilliant advise! Thank you!

    I think we all come to a point in our lives where we lose sight of who we are. We become stuck in a rut in our ways that we can’t see when we are going off track, to what we wish to be.

    It’s good to check and re-evaluate not only in the grand scheme of things but in our everyday habits, like you beautifully highlighted. Constantly keeping our thoughts in check is a valuable habit to have.

    • StephJ | 27th Mar 17

      So very true, thank you for your insightful comment!

  4. Lisa Gordon | 27th Mar 17

    What a wonderful post this is!

    • StephJ | 27th Mar 17

      Thank you very much 🙂

  5. Elizabeth | 27th Mar 17

    It’s easy, as we get older, to think that we have ourselves all figured out. The truth is that we should always evaluate and make course corrections. I love that you’re so insightful!

    • StephJ | 27th Mar 17

      Oh thank you so much! ❤ I am just learning as I go along like us all. 😊

      • Elizabeth | 27th Mar 17

        But you’re decades ahead of some of us!

  6. usathroughoureyes | 27th Mar 17

    Great points. So true.

  7. Ritu | 1st Apr 17

    Great post, full of positivity!

  8. Jo (Fallen Angel) | 1st Apr 17

    Great post! I read somewhere the other day that to find happiness we have to look inside ourselves. For so long I looked externally for happiness and now I know I should look within 🙂

    • StephJ | 2nd Apr 17

      I am still looking externally. It is a hard habit to break. In fact that may be a good future searching for happiness topic. Thank you for your comment! 😊

  9. Debbie H | 1st Apr 17

    I enjoyed this post!I think we are always evolving so we need to reevaluate ourselves periodically. Your post is a good reminder to do so. Thanks.

    • StephJ | 2nd Apr 17

      It is so true! I am glad you enjoyed it. 😊

  10. noellekelly | 1st Apr 17

    This is an awesome post!

    • StephJ | 2nd Apr 17

      Thank you very much for your comment! 😊

  11. Phaytea's Pulse | 1st Apr 17

    Lovely pointers Steph, I try not to judge people. I try to understand and make up reasons for a person behaviour..To know ourself we should be able to accept people’s opinion and behaviour with judging

    • StephJ | 2nd Apr 17

      It is so true! Being connected with your true self helps in being able to accept others.

  12. angelanoelauthor | 1st Apr 17

    Judgement is much on my mind lately. Becoming aware of it is itself a project. I’ve started a little experiment with myself. Every time I see someone and make a snap judgment about them based on pretty much nothing at all, I repeat this in my mind: “Your joy is my joy. Your pain is my pain.” It sounds a bit cheesy, but my point is to remind myself this person is just like me-no better, no worse. I owe them openness, respect, and kindness, the same as I would hope they would give to me. I’m not saying I’m a judgment-machine, but dang it, sometimes I am. However, I don’t have to be, and I have the capacity for change. Love the post–I love your blog, actually. 🙂

    • StephJ | 2nd Apr 17

      I think we all judge. I never realized how much I did until I began meditation. Now I see I do it all to often to myself and others. I think that’s the hardest part realizing. We are almost taught by society to judge. It’s crazy. So it’s hard to be brave enough to stop it yourself. It’s all to easy to go with the regular impulse. Thank you for your wonderful comment. I think your mantra would help me out a lot. I may give it a try.

  13. Nicole McClean | 1st Apr 17

    Really great post & brilliant advice! I’m currently reading who says you can’t? You do & before you get into the book it makes you question yourself quite deep. It’s been an experience & a real eye opener.

    • StephJ | 2nd Apr 17

      I think I might have to the check those books out. They sound up my ally. I am all about discovering personal truths.

  14. Lindsay | 6th Apr 17

    Reblogged this on and commented:
    I love this motivational post on Scale It Simple.

    • StephJ | 6th Apr 17

      Awesome! Glad you enjoyed it 🙂

      • Lindsay | 7th Apr 17

        It was really great. Very informative. Thanks for posting 🙂

  15. G.R.I.T.S. by MiMi | 8th Apr 17

    Reblogged this on gritsbymimidotcom and commented:
    Just found this incredible new website, hope everyone enjoys it!

  16. desertcurmudgeon | 16th Apr 17

    That was superb. Thank you!

  17. kooksnfrills | 16th Apr 17

    This is such a great and useful post. Everything you have written is SO true – it is far too easy to lose yourself amongst social media and trying to do things to impress these days, rather than for the sake of doing something you really love and enjoy, and ultimately the things you love really are a huge part of who you are. Thank you for encouraging me to think about who I am and what makes me happy! 🙂

    • StephJ | 16th Apr 17

      Thanks for reading. I’m glad you liked it. Thinking about these concepts is something that has consumed me lately and I love discovering myself in different ways. It motivates me 😊

  18. Amendoza | 4th Jun 17

    Loved your post! I look forward to reading more. Best, Ash

    • StephJ | 5th Jun 17

      Thanks a bunch! Glad you enjoyed 🙂

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