self love

Don’t be that Asshole – Think before you Speak

I am having one of those days, people are just getting to me. It seems that the negative traits of those around me are coming out today in full force and it has left me a little drained. It has also left me wondering, where have all the nice people gone? I am sitting here in my living room, fuzzy blanket on my lap and a warm cup of tea next to me and I just can’t shake the feeling of the day. I need to share my observations, perhaps we will both come out happier if I do.


We all know those people, the type of people who blurt out comments that invoke within us feelings of both uncomfortableness and uneasiness. The type of people who seem to say the first thing that pops into their head without even searching for a filter for those words. They often seem to have no regard for others feelings, they seem to be uncaring of the mood left in the room after such comments are made.

We all know the type, arrogant, egotistical, bold, obnoxious, rude and hurtful. The labels we place on these types of people after their true colours are revealed may vary. But labels we do place.

My label… Assholes.

Have you ever stopped to think that maybe you and these people are not so much unlike? Did you ever realize that perhaps you too are deserving of the asshole label being slapped on your forehead? Just maybe if even once you to have been unfair to your fellow man, unkind, rude. And Maybe you didn’t even know it. Scary thought isn’t it?

Picture this…

Scenario One: Two beautiful girlfriends walk into a clothing store. Both looking for a dress for some sort of occasion. Girl number one who is tall and slim tries on a dress. Girl number 2 who is short and curvy tries on a dress as well. Girl number 1 says “This dress makes me look fat.”

Seems like a pretty common thing for young educated, beautiful girls to say for some reason. No harm was done, small chat really, just an observation. However, girl number 2, who as mentioned is also beautiful, and looks amazing in her dress is left thinking. “Well if she is 3 sizes smaller than I am, thin and tall and she thinks she looks fat, then I must be a whale.”

Scenario Two: A family heads to the park, it is a sunny summers day and they are looking to have a picnic. They sit and eat their sandwiches, laugh and then decide to play some baseball together. The son picks up the ball, the daughter picks up the bat, the mother grabs a glove and heads to the outfield, and the father grabs his camera to take a video.

They get into position and the son makes the pitch. It was a less than desirable throw. The father says laughingly. “Come on son don’t throw like a girl.” Or something of that nature. The little girl is left thinking “What is wrong with throwing like a girl?” The little boy is left thinking “Am I not a man?”












In both of these situations, nothing serious was mentioned, no one outwardly put anyone down, or directly insulted. No one tried to belittle anyone else and no one meant to harm. Even the dad was innocently poking fun at his son, not knowing the damage that it may cause to both children in the future. Not knowing that he had planted a seed that would have the potential to grow into something ugly later in life.

The tall girl in the store did not realize the range her words had and that they might affect her friend in that way. Perhaps she was just looking for a compliment, maybe she was just looking for her friend to build her up, not knowing it’s negative effects.

So no one in those scenarios is really an asshole… I guess.

The truth is we can never know how another person feels inside about themselves or anything else in this world. This is why we must think before we speak, this is why we should be mindful. No matter how small the thought we must be mindful of its implications.

Be sure that when you speak it is out of kindness and consideration of the people around you, and towards yourself. I mean it seems like pretty basic advice, but I have noticed that this basic knowledge is all to often lost on people, forgotten in so many ways.

Be mindful of the power of your words, the power they have on you and others. After all, if you reject people who aim to harm others with criticism and malice then you should lead yourself in a way that is also unlike them.

Think before you speak don’t wander through life blurting every thought that comes into your mind, or you might just be “that asshole” and not even know it.

What do you think of those scenarios? Have you experienced something similar?


13 thoughts on “Don’t be that Asshole – Think before you Speak

    1. I am reading this like a month later and thinking that maybe everyone went crazy and is still not back to sanity yet.

      I think I’m blaming (spins conspiracy wheel) bansters: gangs of greedy bankers who manipulate financial systems to the detriment of all (but they don’t feel it financially due to being able to “bail themselves out” and whatnot), acting as thuggish (suicide-by-other) gangsters (hence, conspiracy).

      Liked by 1 person

  1. There’s a really good book called masculinity deconstructed. By Dr.Levine . You would think this book is primarily about men, but it’s about women to. A lot of fascinating facts about support systems, the difference in how women think and react. Male acceptable emotions and forgotten admirable male traits. It really talks a lot about the male subconscious and relating to your article , talks about physicality in emotion. How it effects our health , our subconscious behaviours, and traces the effects. Like males desire to fix rather than understand. Being right and “winning” an argument is not the point of arguing for women, it’s about validation and resolution. For men it’s quite often primal, get mad and win, be right no matter what. A great read and based on good reasearch

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That sounds super interesting. Although this particular post was more directed as a whole to both male and females and a general rant of human interactions, I can however admit that I do have a interest in the book you have suggested. I think understanding the why’s and how’s behind peoples feeling can always help us better interact with one another.


  2. Love the title of the post. I also like that you challenge the reader to see their own potential “assholi-ness” (for lack of a better word). It always feels more righteous to be the offended party and not at all comfortable to be the offender (accidentally or on purpose). I’ve been both. I like the scenarios you use because, on the surface, they seem harmless but episodes like that can and do have an impact on folks. Thanks for the thoughtful post.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Interesting article, Steph! It is true that we should be kind in action and in words, yet there is also such a thing as over-sensitivity which is harmful. Someone once said, “Nice” does not equal “good”. Indiscriminate hurt is not warranted, but slightly thicker skin and letting our hair down is also required for us to reap the benefits of constructive criticism. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. A very good point! People can tend to take things in a way that is often to serious or literal (myself included) Sometimes letting things get to me more than they normally would, however I think it is always important to be considerate and kind when you can.

      Liked by 1 person

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